Bad news.....

Well....I had bad news last week, but I am trying to be positive and try not to be too unhappy. I had my appointment with the ENT at the hospital, to have a hearing test about my poor hearing in my left ear (the side I hit the wall on and did all the damage). So I get two buses, and get to the hospital 30 minutes before my appointment so that I can have an audiology test! I get to the right department, and sit in the waiting room, very nervously, as if awaiting my fate. I did fear the worst as my bad hearing was one of the things that wasn't getting better at all, and the wait seemed to take ages before I got called by the doctor. And I thought "yes" I got the cute doctor I had been eyeing up since being in the waiting room, which cheered me up as he was HOT! So we have a chat, he goes through my notes and I explain about the accident. Like everyone else has said, he did the normal "you have been through the wars haven't you?!" "yes" I said and rolled my eyes. So the cute doctor gets close to me and looks in my ears, and says they are both full with wax and really need to be cleared before the audiology test. So he runs off and organises me to get them cleared. So I have to leave the cute doctor, and wait for another 30 minutes to be called to have my ears syringed. And OMG does that hurt or what! It took ages, but they were eventually cleared and I went back to other waiting room to wait to see Mr cute doctor again for my audiology test. To my disappointment, this female nurse calls my name and explains that the cute doctor is busy, so she would do my audiology test to save me waiting...damn it I thought! Noooooo.....I wanted to say, I will gladly wait for Mr cute doctor be free! But no, I have to follow her! I have the hearing test, which is very hard work as you have to concentrate so much on trying to hear the various beeps and such like. But after what seems like ages later, and three different audiology tests and various ear phones, the test is over and my head hurts! The lady explained basically that yes, I didn't have a lot of hearing out of my left ear, and this was after the wax was removed! So I go back to the waiting room, to wait to see the consultant I should have seen an hour before. I get called 10 minutes later, and walk to the room to talk to the consultant to go over my audiology test! This is where it gets bad...

...I walk in, sit down and he explains the results from the test. He says I have no useful hearing in my left ear and its basically a "dead ear"...well fucking thanks Mr Doctor man, don't beat about the bush and break the news gently! That's the NHS for you!! He explains the options of two different hearing aids, but the information doesn't go in as I had just been told I have a dead ear! He explains that as I fractured the petrous portion of my skull, the bone directly next to the inner ear, the damage was probably done then. Below is an image of the inner ear vestibule (a), showing the position of the cochlea. This is the part of the ear the doctor thinks I managed to permanently damage from the fracture, as this more than likely ruptured part of the inner ear as well as the artery that bleed into my skull! The second image (b) shows the temporal bone, with number 14 showing the place the cochlea is sat in, in the skull. The other side of this is the petrous portion, which is the part that got fractured from the impact of my accident. The third image (c) shows the labyrinth, with the cochlea at the end, the circular shell type shape, and the cause of all my problems!

(a) A diagram of the inner ear...the cochlea is the part coloured in orange 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Place-del'Oreille-Interne-Schema.jpg

(b) Temporal bone: Cochlea is number 14, the other side of that is the petrous portion, the part I fractured

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Temporal_bone2.jpg

(c) The inner ear, or labyrinth as it is called, showing the cochlea (shell shaped) at the end pointing down

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bony_labyrinth.png

So yeah....I left the hospital a very unhappy and upset girl, and found it very hard to try and hold the tears back, but it was too much when my mum and dad rang up to see how it had all gone, and I just started crying. I asked one of my really good friends if I could go round to her's as I had had bad news and needed to see her, so I got on a couple of buses and spent the afternoon with her and her little 16 month old girl. But now...after a good weekend, I am feeling better about the whole thing. I can hear better anyway, as they cleared out my ears, so can hear much better. Who need's two working ears anyway, eh?!?!

3 months it is then!

I went to the doctors the other day (well it’s now over three weeks ago), just for a check-up and progress report really, as I had got sod all from the hospital. So I hobbled in on my crutches and had a warm welcome from my doctor, as he ushered me in and then closed the door behind me. I got myself sat down and moved the chair closer to him, as I knew I would not be able to hear from the distance it was from him. So he asked me how I was and how I was getting on in my recovery. I explained all the problems I was still having, like balance, double vision, sight and hearing problems. I must have said it in such a tone that indicated I was not exactly happy, as he looked at me and said ‘Now how are YOU…really’. So I explained that I was coping, but maybe not as well as I wanted, and that I was still having issues dealing with the whole thing. I explained I was frustrated as I could not do the things I normally could do, without thinking. The day-to-day things that I could do before 15^th February, yet now, suddenly I have to really think about doing a certain thing. He basically said that I just need time to heal, and ‘learn’ all the basic stuff that I could do before. It was nice and comforting to talk to him as he did explain things, and ask how I was feeling.

The only worrying thing was that he seemed concerned about my hearing, and that I was still very deaf in my left ear. He mentioned that my surgery was not that invasive to my skull or my brain, so the issues I have should not be so apparent. I think he was hinting that my recovery should be better than it is, and that I should be seeing much more improvement. This did worry me slightly; as I knew my recovery was taking long anyway, but hearing a doctor saying that just made it worse. He showed even more concern for my left ear, so much so that he tried to get me an urgent appointment to see an ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist, to get my hearing checked out. He even mentioned that I might have to wear a hearing aid, as it may not get better. I was mortified to hear this, as all the doctors and consultants I have seen previously have said I should return to normal. I have not heard anything from my doctor as of yet about an appointment to see an ENT, but he did say he would try to get me an appointment. My mum has recently said to me that the Wednesday I was in hospital, just before I was transferred to Derrifiord to have surgery, a nurse had told us (not that I remember any of this) that I may have to see an ENT as the fracture to my skull may have lead to some fluid build up in my inner ear. So this would make sense, and did calm me slightly as if they knew this from the CT scans, then something could be done about it when I see the ENT consultant.

The next thing he mentioned was work, and how I was feeling about that. Now, I had mentioned that there was no way I could manage to work at the moment, what with all my neurological issues. We had a bit of a chat about what work I did and I explained my feelings about going back to the job. I have been thinking about returning to work, but this has been worrying me as I think I may have slight psychological problems in that I am linking the accident to the job, as it happened moments after I had finished my first shift there. He listened to me intently, and then posed me a question “how realistic is it that you return to work within the next three months”. Now I did have to think about this, and I thought 3 months is a long time, but then I did think about my recovery so far and how much little progression I had made in the 6 weeks since it all happened. Then he said that realistically I shouldn't think about returning to work for at least 3 months, so I can fully recover and let my brain heal and get myself back to normal again.

So that was that, being signed off from work for at least 3 months...let the boredom begin!