The hardest thing that I had to deal with was realising the seriousness of the whole ordeal. The actual accident to me never happened; I have no memory of it, I never saw it happen or felt it take place. I have very little recollection of the whole week I was in hospital. But it did happen. I have half a shaved head and a scar to prove it. I have the pain across my scar, the headaches that occur regularly, I still have the double vision, I still have the balance issues and I am still totally deaf in my left ear. Yet I still can't quite accept that it happened. it's almost as if the accident happened to someone else, but I am dealing with the aftermath. But it did happen to me; I have a very strong memory of the paramedic telling me in the ambulance that passers by saw me collapse. That is the strongest memory I have from the whole entire week. That is what is written on my notes from the RD&E hospital as well. Yet still it's hard for me to accept that I blacked out, totally collapsed and my head smashed to the floor. But it did. I have to find a way to accept it, maybe with time I will. But I think the biggest thing for me now is to actually accept that it happened. Even when the problems that still plague me have gone; when my balance returns, vision is back to normal and my hearing comes back. I need to find a way to accept what happened, as only then will my recovery be complete!
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