15th February 2010...

So...on to the day that my life was changed drastically within a matter of seconds, and something that will stay with me for a long time to come yet. The story is quite simple, but it ends up being complex due to the severity of the accident and the trauma that I suffered. But I am writing this in my blog as I hope to not only help and inspire people in similar situations, but also a way I can come to terms with what happened to me. And also how something good can come of this and that new light can grow through destruction.

Okay, so picture the scene....it's 4.30pm Monday 15th of February, I had just left my first shift at my new job and decided to sit by the river at the end of Cowick Street in Exeter to make a phone call, before I carried on with my walk home through town to get some food. I decided to walk as I had been in the hot kitchen all day and just needed to get some fresh air, even though it was a good 40 minute walk; if I had got the bus I wonder whether my day would have worked out differently!? Now, this is the bit that gets very vague in my memory, but then saying that I don't actually remember my walk from work to the river much at all either! So, I get to the river side and sit on a concrete step on the bank of the river and make a phone call; whether or not I managed this phone call I will never know! I remember suddenly feeling very hot, nauseous and having flashing black lights in my vision, almost as if I'm going to faint. I think I remember standing up (why, I really do not know...as if I felt like I was going to faint why would I make things worse by standing up?!), then I remember stumbling. But now I try and think back to that day, and it's funny as I can remember feeling hot and the black flashing lights in my vision, but as for me stumbling, it's almost as if I am looking at myself from a distance and not though my eyes. The image I see is me from behind at a distance, stumbling and trying to grab onto something, but it's not daylight, it is misty and almost sepia in colour. Maybe this is due to my memory, or lack of it, and how I am trying to put piece to piece together from the very little that I can actually remember from that day. Or maybe it could even be one of those near death experiences, where you are close to death, but something brings you back. I don't know, I suppose I don't really want to think of it too much, but that's how I see it. So, okay I remember being on the verge of fainting, almost collapsing and trying to grab onto something..........

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..........the next thing I remember is waking up, lying flat on my back unable to move in what appears to be a moving box and staring up at a blacked out window, hearing rattling and a slight noise of an engine, with a lady talking to me but I can't figure out what she is saying. I remember that this totally spins me out as I have a vague memory of trying to figure out if it was reality or a dream, and if it was reality, what the hell was actually going on! But the moving box turned out to be an ambulance, with me strapped down to a bed, racing me (with blue's and two's) towards A&E with the paramedic asking me questions. This must be around 5 pm by now, well from what I can figure out, as I suppose it depends on how long it took for the ambulance to get to me and how long I was unconscious for. I know it can't have been long as I do remember being told that passers by had seen me collapse and had called 999. The only question I remember from this journey (which probably was a good 20 minutes due to the traffic in Exeter) is her asking me what the date was, to which I replied march 2008. Great! I had been unconscious (for how long I will never know) and was now experiencing my first taste of amnesia!! That is the only part of the journey I remember, and then think I remember being taken out of the ambulance and wheeled into A&E, possibly, but then that's it, as it just goes blank again. I remember lot's of different doctors faces, lot's of talking (about what I don't know) and lights being shone into my eyes, and being sick, throwing up blood in the darkness of the night with blood dripping from my nose. I think a doctor or nurse at one point in the night said I was throwing up blood as it was dripping down my throat from my nose. Then my memory is blank again...

What I can now figure out is basically I had just completely collapsed, without even being able to put my arms out to break my fall as I had totally blacked out (what's called a syncopal episode), and smashed my head on the concrete step I must have been sat on. Apparently according to the paramedic, passers by had seen me collapse and smash my head and had called 999, to which I am very pleased about as I wouldn't like to think of what the outcome may have been if not!